Chuck Norris, Investment Banker

posted by Stal on 2009.05.01, under Stal

Chuck Norris Facts, Finance edition:

Chuck Norris does not mark to market. The market marks to Chuck.

Chuck Norris does not go bankrupt. Chuck Norris ruptures banks.

Source of hedge fund survivorship bias? Funds that pay Chuck Norris 2 and 20 survive; others don’t.

Private equity: Chuck Norris does not believe in leverage. Chuck Norris believes in crowbars.

Investment banking: No one defers Chuck Norris’s compensation.

Capital structure: No one subordinates Chuck Norris. All his equity is preferred.

If Chuck Norris devised the bank stress tests, not even the Treasury Department would survive.

[ via Felix Salmon ]