Gates-gate, a Brouhaha in Three Acts

posted by Stal on 2009.08.06, under Stal

If ye be yearning for the return of Talk Like Shakespeare Day, there be good tidings from the intersection of Elizabethan English and contemporary events.

In a most excellent three-act drama by the staff of the Boston Globe, the tale of Gates-gate and its eventual resolution through the aid of King Barack and some good ales unfolds. Tis certainly a worthy read in its entirety, but for the laggards among us, here’s a taste:

AXELROD: [...] What here? A saucy tale from Cambridgeham. The Sheriff has arrested a Moor for crimes unbefitting a gentleman.

BARACK: Stupid sheriffs arrest many Moors.

AXELROD: Perhaps in the Chicagoland of our youthful acquaintance, my lord. Not so many in Cambridgeham. ’Tis a most gentil and parfit place.

BARACK: Who is the man, and what is his crime?

AXELROD: ’Tis the Most Exalted University tutor Gates. Back has he spoken to the Sheriff, unbidden.

BARACK: Gates? I know this man. We have supped together on the enchanted Isle of Martha’s Vineland. I have seen him with Lady Oprah, prating about his ancestry.

AXELROD: Perhaps a photo op, my lord? We invite Gates and the Sheriff here, quaff ale in the summer heat, and proclaim peace and brotherhood among all men.

BARACK: And savor tobacco from the Duke of Marlboro?

AXELROD: Not with the people watching, sire.

[ A Tale Told by an Idiot / Boston Globe ]

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